About the only advantage I have over the next thirty days is having a job I report to three days a week. If it were not for that I am sure I would go mad. Who can go to school and home for thirty days straight and not lose a bit of their sanity? I know I sure couldn’t. Outside of those three days, that’s exactly what I would be doing, losing my mind. School then home, and nothing else. It was sure to be a miserable existence.
I am lucky I’m not grounded for life after the psychotic break I had when I destroyed my room, and that is exactly what Gloria told her boss, that I had had a psychotic break. She went to him and explained the situation, that I had years of frustration stewing inside me and it all came to a head.
The incident with Tonya was the last straw. She told him in all honesty, she was shocked I hadn’t exploded before then. I am very lucky I’m not sitting in some mental institution on a 72-hour hold. Thank you, Gloria, for having my back, and soon my paycheck.
The worst part about being grounded is not being able to hang out with Jayden or talk to him. I lost all of my privileges. No visitors, no phone, and no hanging out.
I spent quite a few of my younger teenage years in complete promiscuity. My experiences with sexual abuse left me open, raw, and accessible to the whims of any man I found myself involved with. I didn’t understand that I could say ‘No’ if I didn’t want to have sex.
I would agree to most of their wishes and found myself in situations that did not help me heal from the lifetime of abuses I endured. I needed love and I was looking for love in the guys I dealt with. Unfortunately, they only wanted a hot piece of ass, and I was it.
Jayden was different from any of the other guys I had dealt with. I had no clue on how to be in a relationship or how to handle me and Jayden’s relationship. In the time we’ve been together, I had grown to care for him deeply, and some might even think I love him. What do I know about love?
I have never experienced love, unconditional, or any other type. Love was a metaphor to me. Something I wrote poetry about. Something I described based on what I saw in movies or what I had been told about it. But true love, really knowing what it meant to be in love, I had no idea.
I usually faked my emotions, and that was no good for anybody, especially not Jayden. I had to keep it real with him because I truly believed he was keeping it real with me. I wanted to love and be loved, and I thought Jayden was the one to show me the way.
But I’m only 18, so what do I know?
***********
Jayden read my name tag out loud, “Topaz. Isn’t that a birthstone?”
I nod my answer, continuing to ring up his order.
“You know I’ve been watching you. It’s fascinating to watch you toss pizza dough with such long fingernails.”
Curiously tilting my head, wondering why anyone would say such an odd thing to me about me. It was normal to toss pizza dough because that’s what we all did at the restaurant.
“Sooo, when you get off work, you wanna grab a coffee or something?” sounding hesitant and nervous, but brave nonetheless.
“Why would I wanna do that? I don’t know you from Adam.” Who does this guy think he is, asking me out, he must be joking. “Besides, I’m not in the habit of going to places with people I don’t know. You could be some type of serial killer.”
“True, but look at all the witnesses,” he said as he surveyed the area. “I’m pretty sure if something happened to you, they’d point their fingers at me,” – smiling mischievously displaying slight dimples and dazzling white teeth, he continued – “telling anyone that’ll listen that you were last seen leaving with me.”
That was not the response I expected, and I let a slight giggle escape, showing my hand. Not my intention. I wanted to be a hard ass, and keep him at bay, but I was failing miserably.
“That’s true, but I’m still not going anywhere with you.” I returned that same mischievous smile. “If you want to hang out, we can hang out here.” I offered because I liked him but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave my safety net on a whim. At least at work, I’d be safe from any shenanigans on his part. I could see Jayden thinking it through and finally realizing he was not going to win, agreed to hang with me at the restaurant after my shift.
He waited patiently for me to finish work and offered to buy me something to eat and drink while we talked. I politely declined because food and drinks are free so why waste his money. Plus I’m around food and drinks all day. I guess I could have seen if he was willing to spend money on me, but I had never been the type to date a guy because he showered me with gifts or spent money to impress me.
We sat at a table facing the big screen TV in the large sitting area of this indoor market, staring at each other for quite a while before either of us said anything. I used the quiet time to fully take him in, soaking in the contours of his smooth dark chocolate brown flawless skin and face, his molten-deep-brown eyes that seemed to stare deep inside me. His short and wavy hair that looked like he spent hours brushing it to get the waves he sported.
His chin had a short goatee with a faint mustache that encased moist full luscious lips that I was sure felt like clouds when kissed. As far as bodies go, he was a bit taller than me, so I guess he’s about 6 feet tall, and muscular but not too buff.
I hated super buff guys. Their bodies always seemed so uncomfortable. Like their arms struggled to lay flat against their sides or their thighs mushed together. Honestly, when I see guys that look like that, they remind me of David Banner, The Incredible Hulk.
Guys like that scare me because I know I would never be able to get away from them if their intentions were to hurt me. Jayden is very handsome and muscular by all accounts. I know I can’t take him in a fight, but if I needed to get away from him, I would at least have a fighting chance.
The day we met he was wearing a navy-blue polo shirt and matching blue jeans with the latest kicks. He didn’t seem to be that much into jewelry because he wore a single thin gold chain with a catholic medallion and a basic no brand name watch. He smelled nice. So far, he was someone I might be interested in getting to know.
I broke our silence first. “How old are you?” I asked because I didn’t date anyone that was more than two years old than me.
“I’ll be twenty in October. Why? How old are you?”
“Old enough. Don’t you know it’s impolite to ask a woman her age?” I said jokingly before telling him how old I am. “I’ll be eighteen in February.” That got me his kilowatt smile, showing those dimples and all his pearly whites. I couldn’t help but smile back. He was weakening my defenses. I had to get control of this situation.
“Why are you here? Why do you want to hang out with me so badly?” I asked trying to throw him off balance.
“Christmas gifts for my family. And I want to get to know you better. Is that okay?” he asked, still smiling; still breaking me down, and him definitely not off-balance.
I started to act distracted. I didn’t want him to know I was into him. We had just met and he was wooing me skillfully. We talked about where he goes to school and what he does for money. I learned he was finishing his sophomore year at California State University, Hayward, majoring in law. When he’s not in school, he works at his father’s law firm. He had just finished his finals and was preparing for winter break when he ended up downtown and saw me.
He wasn’t flashy, but I could tell he wasn’t poor, I assumed his family had money, even though he was pretty mellow. I liked Jayden. Not because he was fine, but because he was so chill.
At first, I thought he was weird hitting on me the way he did while I was working. He seemed more aggressive than he turned out to be, but he was actually a laid-back cool guy. I like that about him, his mellowness. I was comfortable with Jayden, and it was a welcomed change compared to past experiences.
I think that’s one of the reasons I was almost instantly attracted to him. He wasn’t getting all up in my face or trying to touch me constantly. He didn’t talk about how pretty I was every other sentence. He gave me compliments, sure, but he didn’t overdo it, he wasn’t purvey, like he was trying to get in my pants. He was just simply cool.
I find that aggressive, in your face kind of guys, put me off. I never liked feeling objectified. I like compliments that feel sincere and natural when I get them, and not because of some ulterior motive to get into my pants. Jayden put me at ease slightly lowering my guard.
We talked for about two hours, which consisted of mostly smiling and the occasional giggle, not too many words were spoken in that time. It was getting to be late evening when I finally had to tell him I had to get home.
Of course, he offered me a ride. A ride I could not take because even though he was charming as all get out. I did not trust him. Trust was a major issue for me and it would be a battle hard-fought-for Jayden if he were ever going to get me to let my guard down completely. I think he understood that about me so he didn’t push the issue.
I gathered my things so he could walk me to the bus stop across the street from the restaurant. He didn’t seem concerned about going to the bus stop because he had gotten lucky and found a parking space right in front of my job. He could wait for the bus with me and watch his car at the same time.
Now I understood why he kept looking out the window while we were hanging out. He was worried about his car. It was the holiday season and people got really desperate during this time of year, and his car looked like money and would be tempting for a theft to happen upon.
On our way to the bus stop, he stopped by his royal blue late model Ford Mustang, which looked like it was probably around an ’83. It had leather interior and was in mint condition. He couldn’t help showing off his booming stereo system, as a last ditch-effort in tempting me with a ride home. I continued to resist. He gave up and walked with me to the bus stop and waited with me for my bus. He was quite the gentleman. I never felt pressured by him and I liked that feeling.
I knew I was in trouble and if I weren’t careful, I would be all in with him.
I was determined to do things differently this time. I wanted to find out where this thing between us could go. I also didn’t think he would pressure me into anything I didn’t agree to, but I wanted to make sure I said when and where I would share my body and not before then.
He may be a gentleman, but he is still a man and there was no way I was going to allow myself to be taken advantage of, ever again. I was taking my power back…
***********
Author’s Note: Thank you for stopping by and getting caught up on what’s happening in Topaz’s life. She got herself into a bit of trouble and is now suffering the consequences of her actions. She is learning a valuable lesson, one that is going to shape her life and lead her into a different direction than is expected of her.
I’m happy to get this chapter out to you and I am working tirelessly to get the remaining chapters out as quickly as I can. Thanks for sticking around.
I wish you and yours to be safe and healthy during these uncertain times.
Peace and Blessings – CV Davis
© CV Davis – Author
Works of an Unsettled Mind 