As an adult, you may blame your upbringing and childhood for all your adult misfortunes, but the reality is you have control over the outcome of your adult life and circumstances. Childhood ills may have shaped your persona but it is not responsible for the choices and paths you take in your adult life. Let’s face it, after 18 can you really say your childhood fucked you up? I am a true believer we make our own way and chose our own outcome. Fate and destiny have little to say about it in the end.
For me, my childhood was less than ideal. I lived most of my childhood in foster care. I was molested more than once, raped once, I survived being abused and had little to no family support to get me to where I am today. I could easily blame my childhood for my life circumstances and continued to amount to nothing if I’d let those life events be the reason. However, I decided early in my life that I would only be a child for 18 years and grown for the rest of my life.
Even though at times, I felt I had no control over the problems I dealt with as a child, teenager, and young adult, I convinced myself that I would only have to deal with this shit until I was officially a grown woman. It was this decision that had the most impact on my adult life. My conscious efforts to make sure I would be a viable adult living an adult life, and responsible for my own outcome and situation was the only outcome I was willing to accept. I say this to say, that we have to get over it and get on with our lives. Stop blaming your parents, lovers, teachers, relatives for the poor decisions you’ve made as an adult.
I get so tired of hearing grown-ass people talking about how poorly their living conditions are, and how it’s someone else’s fault. Stop blaming the world and start blaming the responsible party – yourself! No one is forcing you to live a substandard life or make bad decisions about your finances or career. We all have the same opportunities afforded to all humans. We can go to school and get degrees, work towards promotions at work, create financial opportunities, and the list is endless. If you can dream it, you can achieve it. This is the promise given to all people. The bottom line is, decided what you want to change in your life, then make a plan to achieve that goal. It will be this conscious decision that will improve your life, and make you feel that your life is worth living. So for some definite directions, do these things:
- Decide what you want
- Explain (in writing) why you want it
- Research others that have achieved your desired goal
- Make a plan to achieve that goal
- Stick to the plan you’ve devised
- Spend time visualizing yourself achieving that goal
- Mediate to lift your spirits while making strides toward that goal
- Make a short-term goal’s list (0 – 1 year)
- Make a long-term goal’s list (1 year – 5 years)
Do this for every desire you wish to accomplish. It will help keep you focused and on track along the way. And if you should happen to get side-tracked, you will have a written record of what you wanted and why you wanted it back when you made the decision to make a change in some area of your life.
I’m not saying it will be easy, but you have to start somewhere. If you don’t make an effort to make your life better, then it will simply not get better. Talking about it constantly will not set the wheels in motion. As I like to say, “Be about it, don’t talk about it!” In other words, actions speak louder than words. Actions cause reactions, so JUST DO IT! I can most definitely guarantee you that if you put an ounce of effort into improving your life as you do into complaining about it, you will see positive results. At first, these changes will be subtle, but then there will be that epiphany when you realize your life has changed and changed for the better!
In closing, if you are to play the hand you’ve been dealt with, then you have to be able to recognize the lessons you’ve learned from that hand. What I mean is that for every experience we endure, as living breathing human-beings; there is a lesson in that specific experience. It is our mission to determine what that lesson is and what it means to our lives.
As bad as my childhood and adolescence were, I would not change it for anything in the world. It was these life experiences that made me the strong individual I am today. It is what motivated me to make my life better, not just for me, but for my children I’d eventually have. I can impart my life’s wisdom to them, explain to them the woes of certain decisions or situations, and have first-hand knowledge of what I’m talking about.
I know I cannot save them from every bad experience they will encounter, but I can be there to empathize with them, and help them understand the lesson learned from that experience. I learned how to play the hand I was dealt. I’ve made mistakes along the way, stumbled and fell, but the important thing is, I always got up and gave it another good ole college try.
The moral of this story is never to give up and never give in, and most of all never settle for what you believe is your fate and/or destiny just because your childhood sucked! Get over it and get on with it! Play the hand you were dealt and whoop life’s ass!
© CV Davis – Author